You didn't mean to make people uncomfortable. You have just decided that you want to try something different - at work or in your personal life - and people resent It!
This often happens in workplace situations when people take promotions or choose to relocate.
Often, in family and personal situations, choosing something contrary is when you get the most manipulative pushback.
Fact is, when you decide to step away from the herd and try different things, you are going to upset some people. Choosing to live differently than the timeworn ways of your peers often causes resentment. People think that by choosing something out of the ordinary, you are questioning their personal choices.
To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, "SELFISHNESS is not living as one wishes to live, it's asking others to live as one wishes to live. A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses."
The social comparison theory States that individuals derive their self worth by comparing themselves to others. In other words, they evaluate their own opinions and abilities by comparing themselves to their peers. If they see themselves as more successful than those in their social group, they feel a boost. But if they see themselves as less successful compared to others they know, they tend to be more deferential. A person not playing the social comparison game and living the way they want to live distrups social order. This can threaten people who are too afraid to choose differently.
Starting different projects, striking off on your own, changing social circles or uprooting your life and moving half a world away upsets balances and make comparison difficult. Sometimes the only way to deal with this is to label the person changing their situation as impractical, foolhardy or selfish.
Yes, some people will discourage you from breaking with the norms for purely selfless reasons. They fear that things won't turn out well for you. However, also common, are people who discourage you from living your dreams. They want the social confirmation that living as they do is the best way; even if it isn't for you. It is easier to attack other's values instead of defending their own.
ONE of the biggest tragedies in life is losing your potential, or your dreams because others want control. "I could have been," or "I wish I'd," are two two of the saddest phrases in the English language.
When I took early retirement and began exploring the world, opinion seemed to fall into three camps. Some were indifferent; busy living their lives and ambivalent to my plans. (Good) Some cheered me on and were happy to see a friend/family member stepping up and living their dreams. (Very good) And some wanted me to bury my dreams and not do anything off-script. Why do so many of us spend so much of our lives trying to appease the last group?
D. Lama said, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion". Compassion does not mean molding your life to suit the expectations of other people. In actual fact, compassion is showing empathy to others and being kind to them. Hiding your true self to appease people who expect you to be just like them is not compassion. It is a prison!
Following your dreams, whenever they lead is an act of courage. There will always be those who say that looking after your self-interests is impractical or selfish. So what? Strikeout on your own and don't worry about what the conformist say. Their words are more a reflection of their insecurities than a reflection of you.
Although some would disagree, self-care and selfishness are not the same things. SELFISHNESS is asking someone to deny who they are, or to abandon their dreams, because it would make your life more comfortable or convenient.
Please give your comment on this Report. Thank you.
This often happens in workplace situations when people take promotions or choose to relocate.
Often, in family and personal situations, choosing something contrary is when you get the most manipulative pushback.
Fact is, when you decide to step away from the herd and try different things, you are going to upset some people. Choosing to live differently than the timeworn ways of your peers often causes resentment. People think that by choosing something out of the ordinary, you are questioning their personal choices.
To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, "SELFISHNESS is not living as one wishes to live, it's asking others to live as one wishes to live. A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses."
The social comparison theory States that individuals derive their self worth by comparing themselves to others. In other words, they evaluate their own opinions and abilities by comparing themselves to their peers. If they see themselves as more successful than those in their social group, they feel a boost. But if they see themselves as less successful compared to others they know, they tend to be more deferential. A person not playing the social comparison game and living the way they want to live distrups social order. This can threaten people who are too afraid to choose differently.
Starting different projects, striking off on your own, changing social circles or uprooting your life and moving half a world away upsets balances and make comparison difficult. Sometimes the only way to deal with this is to label the person changing their situation as impractical, foolhardy or selfish.
Yes, some people will discourage you from breaking with the norms for purely selfless reasons. They fear that things won't turn out well for you. However, also common, are people who discourage you from living your dreams. They want the social confirmation that living as they do is the best way; even if it isn't for you. It is easier to attack other's values instead of defending their own.
ONE of the biggest tragedies in life is losing your potential, or your dreams because others want control. "I could have been," or "I wish I'd," are two two of the saddest phrases in the English language.
When I took early retirement and began exploring the world, opinion seemed to fall into three camps. Some were indifferent; busy living their lives and ambivalent to my plans. (Good) Some cheered me on and were happy to see a friend/family member stepping up and living their dreams. (Very good) And some wanted me to bury my dreams and not do anything off-script. Why do so many of us spend so much of our lives trying to appease the last group?
D. Lama said, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion". Compassion does not mean molding your life to suit the expectations of other people. In actual fact, compassion is showing empathy to others and being kind to them. Hiding your true self to appease people who expect you to be just like them is not compassion. It is a prison!
Following your dreams, whenever they lead is an act of courage. There will always be those who say that looking after your self-interests is impractical or selfish. So what? Strikeout on your own and don't worry about what the conformist say. Their words are more a reflection of their insecurities than a reflection of you.
Although some would disagree, self-care and selfishness are not the same things. SELFISHNESS is asking someone to deny who they are, or to abandon their dreams, because it would make your life more comfortable or convenient.
Please give your comment on this Report. Thank you.
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